Defile
by soraxtsuna123
Summary: After walking home from the movies, Ponyboy gets jumped. His world comes tumbling down and leaving the gang confused on what had happened. Warning: Rape!fic and self-harm.
1. Chapter 1

**Before I start, I do have to warn you that I will put explicit details in here. Thank you, and you may proceed.**

 **o-o-o**

I had wished I had some company this one afternoon, after I had movie hopped. If I did, I wouldn't have been the way I am now. Greasers can't walk alone too much or they'll get jumped. We get jumped by Socs, or Socials. I remember this one time my friend, Johnny, was jumped real bad – left him scared of his own shadow.

Anyway, I was walking home, wishing that I had some company, when there was a low rumble behind me. I didn't need to turn around to know who was stalking me. I quickened my, looking for a place to duck in and to hide or see if there was another greaser to scare them away. My feet thumped across the asphalt in a near run now. My house was only a block or two away. I turned around as the car flashed by. Its red paint gleamed in the near set sun. Its tires screeched as the vehicle halted. I stomped my feet for an emergency stop then turned to run around the car. The doors swung open and two Socs popped out, running to meet me. One stepped in front of me, grabbing me and throwing me to the floor. I groaned as my head hit and my vision blurred.

"You trying to run from us, Grease?" one asked, his breath stank of alcohol. He pinned my arms and legs down before I had time to react. When my vision came back, I glared at the one pinning me down though my body was shaking so much that it was a joke. In fact, he laughed. The other guy watched me, standing directly behind his friend. He didn't look as drunk and he didn't look as amused.

I struggled against my hold, thrashing but the hold only grew tighter. Panic was an understatement. Socs had never treated us greasers greatly, we were always the ones they picked on because we were 'trash', the poor guys, the hoods; the lower class. They were unnerving to be by on their own; even more when drunk. You would wish that if you got jumped, they would be sober.

"Get off of me," I spat.

"You would think that you enjoy having people on top of you."

"What…?" It took me a second to realize what they were talking about. I gave them a disgusted look. "You're sick."

"Hey, I'm only telling you beforehand what the only thing you greasers are good for, and even then it's horrible."

I glared at him. "Get off of me."

"I don't have to do anything you say, bitch." He slugged me in the stomach, growling. Once again I groaned, tears now swelling in my eyes. He punched me again and again and all I wanted was to curl up in a ball.

"Help!" I screamed, yelling out the name of everyone in my gang: Soda, Darry, Dally, Johnny, Two-Bit, and even Steve. But I knew that this attempt was futile. No one was coming.

The Soc slapped me glowering. "Shut up!" The glower soon turned into a smirk. He turned to look at his friend. "Do you agree that he needs to be taught his place?"

"Yeah, but—" before his friend could finish, the one on top of me turned back and leaned down so that he was whispering in my ear.

"I'm going to show you what a greaser like you could only do—the only profession you'll be accepted for." His hot breath against my ear made me cringe in disgust. Before I could register what he had whispered, the Soc's mouth covered my own. He shoved his whiskey-tasting tongue in my mouth during my time of shock. It moved around, sliding slowly across every little groove and bump in my mouth. I shut my eyes to not look at his closed eyes and tried to move my head away but he just forced it back into place every time. I bit down on his tongue, tasting iron. He moved his hands from my wrists and put them on my chest, trying to push away. I grit down harder until he kneed me in the crotch, making me gasp. He pulled away, holding his mouth.

"You little fucker!" he hissed, slapping me. "Don't you dare fucking bite me!" Once again he slapped me then moved so that he was grinding on me, letting out a slight moan as he became hard. I wanted to throw up thinking that he had a boner because of me. His hands slid under my shirt. I tried to push him away but every attempt I made, he dug into my crotch, making my arms go limp.

"Stop…" I whimpered, sobbing.

"Cunts don't speak."

"Please… s-stop."

He slapped me. "What did I tell you?" His head whipped around to his friend. "Are you going to help me or not?"

His friend was pale, looking mortified. "Man, I can't help you… This is wrong…"

"Wrong? Continuing the natural order is wrong? Stop being a pussy and help me teach him his place."

"No."

"Fine then, I'll. Do. It. Myself." With each word, he dug in my crotch harder. I mewled.

"Fine but… but don't do it here. People could see you."

"Good idea." The Soc stood up, dragging me with him. He shoved me inside the backseat of the car before climbing back on top of me. His friend got in the front seat and started to drive. Each bump in the road caused our hips to collide. My shirt was pulled off and dropped to the floor. He looked down at me, eyes full of lust. He took off his shirt then his pants, his erection flinging out.

"Suck it," he ordered, bringing my head closer to his dick. I tried to push back but he stroked me again and my body gave out. "Do it well and don't bite or you're dead meat, greaser." My lips trembled, hot tears still continued to fall down my face. He grabbed my hair and shoved his dick down my throat. I tried to frantically pull away but that only made it worse. He moaned loudly as my lips moved up his shaft. He thrusted deeper in my mouth and pulled and pushed my head so that I would pump him. The Soc kept muttering words of pleasure and moaning. It seemed like forever until he stopped pushing my head. He shot his load into my mouth, the bitter liquid dribbled down my chin. My first instinct was to spit it out but he covered my mouth with his hand.

"Swallow it."

I weakly shook my head. He grabbed my hair and yanked it. "Do it or we'll do that again." Reluctantly, I complied. He leaned down to lick the remaining cum off of my chin. I didn't try pushing him away – it would be useless anyway and only get me hurt even more.

He pushed me back down, pulling off my pants in one swift motion. He scanned my naked body over before asking, "By any chance, are you a virgin?" I didn't answer him but that was all the proof he needed before saying, "You are… Sweet. I'll make sure to leave my lesson engraved into you…" He fondled with me and kissing me. He grinded against me, slowly growing hard again. He flipped me over and without prepping me, he plunged in.

Pain: that is all I felt as he thrusted in and out me. It felt like I was being torn into two. Each thrust and moan that he made, made me feel even dirtier. "You like that, you slut?"

"N-No..." He slapped me in the ass when I started to speak. I yelled, fingers digging into my palms. He stroked my dick as his pumps got faster until he once again shot into me. He pulled out, breathing heavily. I slumped on the seat, staring blankly at the back of the driver seat. My body was still shaking uncontrollably. The Soc reached down to his pants and pulled out a switchblade from his pocket. He flipped it open, bring the blade near my shoulder blade. The sight of it jolted my body and I tried to get away as best as my body could move but each small movement felt like fire and I couldn't move my arms to reach for the door handle. The Soc slammed his fist into my back.

"You do what I say, grease," he snapped, taking the blade and dragging it across the same area. The stabbing pain in my shoulder made me scream again. He carved something on my shoulder blade before throwing the blade on the floor. "Stop the car."

My body lurched forward and my vision was starting to turn black and I wanted to pass out but my body refused as I was too scared to even blink.

"Shit man, that is so messed up. We are going to be in so much trouble," his friend whined.

The Soc leaned down towards my ear. "You, don't tell anyone about this or else I'll make sure not to hold back next time." He licked my earlobe causing me to shiver.

"At least put his clothes on man, make it less suspicious."

"Good idea."

They slipped the clothes back on me before throwing my limp body out of the car and speeding away. I didn't try to move away and leave—my body was in too much pain. I couldn't cry any more. My body was sore.

I have no clue how long it's been until I could finally stand but it was dark, the only thing that lit the streets were the streetlights. I pushed to my feet with a slight groan, leaning against the nearest street light for support. Each movement was like fire but I pushed myself to stumble to my house. I didn't recognize the area so all I could do was wander in the cold night until I find a familiar street. My hands were tight around my arms and my steps were limped. My breath ran from my lips with each shaky breath. I kept looking back to see if anyone was following me; to see if they would come back for me. A car passed by, illuminating my body in light for a second as well as the few drops of blood that followed on the ground behind me.

Finally, I was on a street that I recognized and before I knew it, my house was in front of me. The lights were still on and for a moment, I thought that everything was going to be okay, but that was until I remembered what had happened to me. Still, I had to go in. _Or maybe not at all…_

Slowly, I walked up onto the porch and entered the house. No one was waiting for me in the living room; no one was in the house. Good, I don't want them to see me or deal with them right now. I walked to my room, closing the door behind me and finally broke down. I sank to my knees, curling up into a ball, and dryly sobbed. My whole body felt sticky and gross and dirty and violated. I ripped off my bloody clothes which had dried cum splattered on it and threw it across the room in weak frustration. I rubbed at my body but each rub took me back in time, replaying what had happened. Being nude reminds me what had happened.

Despite the protests of my body, I got back on my feet and slid into clothes, feeling a little bit more comforted, and then saw my clothes crumpled in the corner of the room. I grabbed it and threw it in the waste basket under my desk with sad anger. I threw myself on the bed, exhausted. All I wanted was to sleep and hope that everything would be okay in the morning… but that seemed like a good dream that was never going to happen.

 **o-o-o**

 **This is the winner that you guys picked. This is going to be so different to write so I hope this goes well.**

 **I'm going to being putting in a lot of run on sentences on purpose and sentences that have a lot of 'and's in it. I want to try to make this a bit more realistic and seeming like he is actually telling the story. It's going to be like the books 'Catcher in the Rye' and 'The Things they Carried'… sort of. I'm also going to be putting in small references to things that you'll probably pass over but if you see them, yay.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own The Outsiders.**


	2. Chapter 2

My hands were fastened above my head and I was struggled with all my might. My body felt cold but sweaty as I lied on the floor. Surrounding me were everyone that I knew and had come close to. I was screaming and crying and my body was shaking so much that I would have been fooled that there was an earthquake if I wasn't in this conundrum. The one on top of me, roamed his rough hands across the surface of my body and all I could do was stare at the cantankerous man and the watchers around me. Their faces were filled with disgust as they watched my body get violated.

"No, stop it!" I wailed. "Let go! Let go!"

He leaned forward until his body was completely pressed against mine.

"Stop…" I whimpered, "please…"

"You like that, slut?" he whispered. He leaned down as if to kiss me. I launched myself away, rolling out his hold and onto the soft bed. My breaths were ragged as I looked around the new scenery. The light were turned on and for the longest time, I didn't recognize where I was. I didn't recognize my brothers who were staring at me with terror and drowsiness and worry. I saw _him._ I saw the lust in _his_ eyes and it terrified me.

My hands reached back behind me, dragging myself away, weakly shaking my head, until my hand hit air and I fell, wincing as my ass hit the floor. The illusion faded and I was left with baffled stares and silence.

"Are… you okay?" Darry asked nervously.

"Y-Yeah…" I lied. I curled up into a ball. Soda tried to comfort me but I flinched away. It was a reflex. I knew that they were my brothers but they reminded me so much of _him_ and I didn't want them to see how dirty I was.

"Pony…" Soda whispered, trying again, but I pushed myself away. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"What was the dream about?"

"I-I forgot."

"We all know that that's not true," Darry interjected.

"Darry, stop it." Soda scolded. He turned back to me. "If you remember it, you can tell us."

I could only nod but I could never tell them.

After a while, Darry left and I climbed back in bed, as close as I could get to the edge. Soda sighed behind me and soon enough his breathing slowed down. I couldn't fall asleep though—I refused too. I stared at the dark walls and the ceiling until morning came.

I limped to the bathroom after grabbing new clothes. I stripped off my old ones and turned the water on maximum heat and stepped in. The water scorched my defiled skin but I ignored the pain. I sat down, hugging my body and just watched the water disappear down the drain. Even the water was running away from me after seeing how dirty I was, just like how everyone would run away from me if they find out. But they won't, I can't let them. I soon look at my red skin and just frowned. The filth wasn't going away. I could still feel _his_ hands on my body and the cum on my chin and the blood on my butt and his tongue scavenging my mouth and my slightly cracked, swollen lips that could still feel his, and I could taste the cum still in my mouth and I still feel like I was ripped into two and all I wanted to do was not feel anything anymore. All I wanted was to not remember _him_ anymore. I wanted to cleanse myself of this violation.

I grabbed the washrag in the bathtub, rubbing soap onto it, and rubbing the towel onto my skin vigorously. I kept at it, rubbing at the same spot until little beads of red popped out of my skin. But I still felt dirty, the feeling was as strong as ever. I moved to another spot and repeated the surface.

"Dirty, dirty, dirty, disgusting," I muttered, scrubbing hard until there was a knock on the door.

"Ponyboy, you okay in there?" Soda asked. I turned off the now cold water and stepped from the bath. Soda must have heard the shift and walked away. I stared at my reflection in the mirror, my hair was dripping and tired eyes stared back. I turned around, remembering the spot on my back and held back a sob when I saw what was carved into my skin. In bright red, highlighted in a surface of pink was the word: SLUT. I dried my body, tearing my eyes away from the pathetic reflection, and changing into sweatpants and a hoodie which covered the bruises and scar. I halfheartedly greased back my hair before leaving.

I didn't know what to do now. I didn't feel like eating and I had lots of time before school started—something I knew Darry wouldn't let me skip because I was 'the one who was supposed to make it out'. I didn't want to go because _he_ was there. But I also didn't want them to find out either. But if _he_ sees me—if I see _him_ —I wouldn't be able to take it.

My thought was interrupted by an arm swinging across my shoulders. My body froze up and I pushed them sway.

"Let go!" I yelled, closing my eyes. He was there, he was there… He was in my home, back for me. Another hand touched shoulder and I spun around but instead of the lust filled eyes, I was met with large eyes.

"Are you okay?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah, you okay?" Two-Bit asked. My scream had also joleted my brothers.

My ears turned red so I murmured, "I'm fine…"

They didn't look like they were going to accept my answer. Darry proposed, "Look, if you don't feel alright, you don't have to go to school today."

"Really?" He nodded. I let out a sigh of relief. I didn't have to see _him_ today but they knew something was wrong. And tomorrow I would have to go back. And tomorrow I would risk them finding out again.

Two-Bit and Johnny stayed behind but I just wanted to be alone; protect them from being infected by my filth. Johnny constantly came into my room to try to talk to me but he sensed that I didn't want to talk. Two-Bit tried to move me from my room but each time he reached out to touch me I flinched away. The scar on my back itched and stung as I picked at it. Whenever I picked at it, they would give me strange looks.

"Why are you picking there?" Johnny asked.

"It's nothing. Johnny, can you just leave me alone today. I really just want to be alone right now."

Johnny nodded, giving me a confused stare before leaving. Hours later, the gang came in the house, one-by-one. I was lying on the bed, the lights turned off because I didn't feel like doing anything else. Someone walked to my door, creaking it open.

"It looks like he's asleep," they said before the door closed again. Minutes later, the gang was discussing something about me. I closed my eyes to concentrate on what they were saying.

"What's wrong with the kid?" Steve asked, sounding annoyed.

"We don't know." Soda answered. "He had this nightmare… and when he awoke from it he pushed away like he was scared of us."

"Don't forget about this morning when I swung my arm across his shoulder. He was screaming," Two-Bit added.

"Not talking much either… won't tell us anything," Johnny said.

"Was the nightmare really that bad?" Dally asked.

The voices hushed down so that I couldn't hear them anymore. They could already sense my dirtiness. After a while, my eyes started to droop regardless of my fear of what I will see. If I can't wash away my defilement, what else could I do?

 **o-o-o**

 **Replies:**

 **Pony'sgirlfriend: This one wasn't as good. At the beginning of this chapter I was in the zone then it just died off. I plan on making the next chapter have more in it though.**

 **One-Tuff-Cookie723: Thank you .**

 **RiseoftheSoulGuardians: I hope I will finish this story. I think it's just the whole thing when people don't finish their stories. I've been on many websites for fanfiction and it comes down to these realizations: Wattpad—horrible writing/grammar/character designs, pointless summaries and author notes telling you to listen to a song or to follow them on twitter or Instagram, but completes the story usually. FFN—better writing but no one finishes or have a long hiatus to the point where it's pointless and you just don't care about the story any more. Deviantart—everything is poetry or reader inserts. Tumblr—consists of one-shots and hard to find but really good. Archiveofourown—amazing writing, absolutely beautiful, usually is finished but not many fanfictions for the topics you're looking for. Noveljoy—nothing is really there. But don't worry, it's a 99.8% chance that I finish the story even if it turns out crappy.**

 **FrankElza: There will also be other effects from what had happened that's not psychological. I feel like you know what I'm talking about?**

 **BunnyluvsU: Thank you. I wished that everyone voted for something else, like another supernatural themed one, but this is a good change.**

 **White collar black wolf: Thank you.**


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as I fell asleep, I was jolted awake from another nightmare. I wondered briefly if I would ever be able to fall back asleep peacefully again. I slipped out of bed and strolled outside the bedroom to do something that would occupy my time until morning. For a while, I just creepily stared at Soda, envying him. Then I moved on, waiting in the living room in the dark, looking out the window, waiting for the sun to rise up. Right when the first peak of light was seen over the houses, I felt bored. I don't know, sunsets didn't seem as appeasing as it used to. Something about a sunrise's purity conflicts with my tainted soul. I wanted to do something else to pass time but nothing seemed interesting enough.

I heard movement from one of the bedrooms and got up, heading to the kitchen. I didn't want my bothers to see me right now. I grabbed a plate and opened the cooler, scraping the crumbs of the chocolate cake that was left from the slices that were eaten. I smeared the cake crumbs on the plate as well as a fork and put them in the sink before grabbing my stuff and leaving. I didn't feel like eating anyways.

My eyes darted around me, watching everyone and everything that passed warily. I hugged my form. Why am I doing this? He's going to be there. Why couldn't I just stay and rot in the house? Why did I have to be disgusting; a 'slut'? None of this would have happened if I had just used my head and had company. I'm so useless, troublesome; a burden. I walked to the school, swallowing the lump in my throat. I couldn't step inside though. It was like a barrier was holding me back. My body shook with memories. I'm going to be surrounded by Socs. A soc was who raped me.

 _Stop being useless for once…_ A mere whisper of a voice, almost inaudible, scolded in my head.

I didn't want to be useless. I can do this. My brain and body screamed 'no' whilst my heart was saying 'go' because I wanted to seem normal to the gang again. I didn't want to be a burden anymore. I took a step forward but froze, stomach dropping, when I saw him. He didn't noticed me. I physically didn't have to look him in his lust-filled eyes, but mentally I did. I backed up, knocking into people and causing slight havoc. People cursed at me and pushed me but still I moved backwards and escaped before my rapist could look at what was causing the havoc. I ran as fast as I could back home and I hurried past my brothers before they could ask questions. I headed straight to the toilet and threw up stomach acid.

A hand touched my back but I flinched away, moving so that whoever was behind me couldn't touch me as easily. Tears sprung in my eyes as the acid burned my throat and mouth and lips. Another burst came out of my mouth and into the bowl. I looked up to see Soda sitting there, a hand raised as if he wanted to try to comfort me again but held back.

 _He doesn't want to touch a cunt like you…_ This voice was loud and clear unlike the other. More tears welled up in my eyes.

"Oh, Pony…" Soda whispered and engulfed me in his arms… held me tight so that I wouldn't escape. He was going to push me to the ground and rip off my clothing again. He came back to embarrass—to shame—me again. I shut my eyes, feeling his hot breath against my neck and ear. I pushed at his chest, trying to free myself but he was stronger than me and his grip got tighter. I was weeping now, begging to be let go but he didn't. He just pushed me closer. I started to pound my fists against his chest but he held my hands.

I squirmed and screamed. "Let me go! Let me go!"

My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest—it was beating so fast—I tried to gasp for breath but I couldn't grasp it. When I opened my eyes in panic, everything was blurry. My head felt light and fuzzy, my skin was sweating a storm, pins and needles attacked my face and it hurt but in the same time, I felt numb. My heart beat even faster. I was going to die if I didn't get away. There were yells but I couldn't understand them. I hit the ground. He let me go. Instantly, I felt relief wash over me and my heart rate slow down. My lungs felt relief from finally getting a breath of air. My vision went back and I saw Soda's and Darry's face as well as Johnny's and Steve's. All of them looked scared.

I made them scared. I weakly pushed away and leaned my back against the bathtub, curling up in a ball. I will never have my life back to normal now. I tried to gain purity again but that was found to be impossible.

Darry had me skip another day and then, the whole week. It was boring because I didn't feel like doing anything. But it was better than going back to the school.

One night I heard Darry talking to Soda about sending me to see a doctor or a therapist. This idea made me cold on the spot. They would definitely find out about what I really was if I go. The next day, I attempted going to school. I had to go or else they would find out and I couldn't have that. They would hate me if they find out.

"Are you sure about this?" Darry asked.

"Carpe diem, right?" I whispered, rocking on my feet before heading outside. The light burned my eyes but that was okay.

I stopped in front of the entrance of the school and closed my eyes.

Just keep your head down and don't look anyone in the eye. He won't see you if you don't see him. I tried to tell myself. It was one of the many lies I told myself but I never believe me. Still, I trudged down the hallway, flinching whenever someone brushed by me. I made it to my locker and fumbled with the lock. I rummaged through my locker but froze when I felt a slight touch on my arm. I whirled my head around and wished that I didn't. I saw the back of _his_ head. He turned around to look at me, licking his lips.

The room faded around me until it was only him and I standing. I blinked and nearly yelled in shock as he stood in front of me, holding onto me. I could feel my whole body erupt in pain but no voice would come out of my mouth to scream. My vision started to blur and I was falling to meet the floor. My vision slipped from me and all I could see was darkness.

 **o-o-o**

 **Replies:**

 **FrankElza: Thank you for that wonderful reply. I felt a wave of relief and honor when I read that and so happy. Made my day.**

 **Pony'sgirlfriend: You feeling terrible for Ponyboy is going to get worse later. Slight spoiler warning: I feel like you're not going to like the ending. I know you know what kind of ending is going to happen.**

 **One-Tuff-Cookie723: Yay :D I'm so glad you think that.**

 **Dorianimeyaoilover: I love to write what readers want to read. That's why I hold a poll when I'm about to end a story. You guys just pick the best topics and new ones that makes it a great experience for all of us. I really wouldn't have written the stories that you would have liked if it wasn't for readers like you.**

 **BunnyluvsU: Wattpad just makes me sad and cringe. I don't read OC stories because the OCs are usually marry sues and makes the characters from whatever so out of character. It makes it hard to navigate to find the stories that is wanted to be read. But then again, Wattpad mostly has really young and new writers so I won't complain too much because they're still getting the ropes.**

 **White collar black wolf: Well, they're going to find out sooner or later, with Ponyboy being the one or not.**


	4. Chapter 4

When I woke up again, I was staring at a blaring light that made me wish I was unconscious again. Why was I unconscious in the first place? I looked around a little too quickly, tensing up. The room was small with nothing much in it but some equipment, papers and some art on the walls. It occurred to me that I was in the nurse's office. For a second I thought that I have been abducted by aliens—though being abducted would probably have been better than being raped. At least then I wouldn't have been embarrassed like I was.

The door creaked open and the nurse stepped inside. She smiled when she saw me. "You're up," she said. "How do you feel?"

"Fine. How… How long was I out?"

"Not that long, don't worry."

She sat down in a chair, picking up a clipboard and pen. "Can I ask you why you think you've passed out?"

I racked my brain, for why I was here and bit my lip when remembered. "I-I…" I stumbled to come up with an excuse, slightly trembling. "I'm too stressed with homework and haven't been sleeping much." If the excuse was believable, it would have been given away by how fast it all rambled out.

She raised an eyebrow and flipped through her pages. "Really? It says here that you were absent from school for about a week. You can tell me, I'm here to help you. Is your family hurting you?"

"No! They don't touch me."

The nurse stared at me, eyes unwavering. I fidgeted under her stare. "Fine. I'm going to call for an ambulance to pick you up and make sure everything's fine for sure."

"No! I'm fine, really. I was just tired." I slipped off from the bed, ignored the dizziness, grabbed my backpack and started to head out. The nurse called out to me but I ignored her and walked down the empty hallways. School was still in session and I couldn't go back home. I looked at the nearest clock on the wall before reluctantly heading to the class I was supposed to be in. My heart thumped against my chest at the speed of light, fingers tapping my leg almost impatiently. Through the slim window, I watched as more attention was turned to me and knew that there was no turning back now. I opened the door, every head now turned to me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked to the teacher and told him where I was. He waved me off without question and I sat in my spot.

The teacher continued with his lesson. I didn't pay attention though.

About halfway in, something hit my head and bounced on the floor near me. I peaked at whatever was there and sighed at the rolled up paper. I scooped it from the ground. I knew that I shouldn't have opened it up but curiosity ate me up. I unraveled the page and read, 'Greaser'. It was really nothing to worry about it—I get these thrown at me all the time, all the same, like being a greaser was an insult. But this one was different. I watched the letters on the page spin and move, some dropping off the page and some turning into other letters. They formed new words that I was too familiar with—slut, dirty, disgusting, violation. I crumpled to paper up, hitting it off my table. Questions rose up to my head and I panicked. Someone else knew what had happened to me? I could hear snickers from behind me. I could see all of their faces morph to _his_ before turning back to their original state but all of them were looking at me with his eyes. I stared holes in my hands until the bell rung. I hurried out the room before the others to get away.

I was walking towards my next class, dreading what's to come. People pushed by me and slowly moved me to the side of the hallway. I slid across the lockers, walking slowly.

A hand grabbed me when I was passing by the janitor's closet. All light was gone in a flash. Hot breath was brushing against my face, my arms were pinned above my head and a knee pressed against my crotch. "There you are…"

My body was shaking badly. It was him and this one was real. I struggled against his hold, mouth opening to scream but he slapped me.

"Remember what I told you? Sluts don't speak." I could feel his lips near my ear and shivered. His fingers dug into my wrists as he shifted to be near my mouth. "Let's have a little fun." He pressed his lips on mine—I tried to turn away but he leaned in so that my head was pinned to the wall. When I felt his tongue rubbing against my lips I lost it. All of my fear burst free and I moved a leg to prop my foot up on his torso and pushed him. Tears stung my eyes as he let go of me and staggered back. He grabbed onto something causing things to fall. I could hear him scramble up to his feet and I lashed out with my elbow, hearing him gasp for air, then punching whatever was there. My fist collided with something hard but I knew it wasn't that good of a hit.

He grabbed onto me, flinging me to the ground. He pinned me and I struggled in his grasp. "Let go!" I screamed. I managed to fling him off but he kicked me in my gut seconds later. I curled in as he kept kicking me over and over again. Each kick felt like my body was going to explode. I gasped at one kick that was stronger than the rest, and coughed up something warm—probably blood. Finally he got bored and pinned me again. His hands roamed my body. His kissed my neck and sucked at it. I closed my eyes, sobbing and whimpering. My hands reached back, groping for something. The first item I managed to wrap my hands around was wet and heavy. Before I could process what it could have been, I flung it at him and the next thing I heard was a bloodcurdling scream.

Whatever I threw spilled on me and my nose wrinkled up in disgust. Bleach. He got off of me and I scrambled away. I only cared about getting away and getting through the door. That's why I didn't care when I saw his hands covering his face or soaking body or the blood that seeped through the edges of his hands or his finger or the red foam or the slight smell of burning, and that scared me.

I ran away from the scene, body a mess like I had just been through a tornado. People were starting to gather at the scene, ignoring me. I hurried to the bathroom and immediately threw up in a toilet, trying to get the mixture of his musk and bleach out of my nose.

I leaned back against the stall door, rubbing the bleach off of my skin which we starting to itch and burn.

His touch still felt fresh on my skin. I looked at my wrist, seeing his hand print. My vision blurred with tears and I quickly stood up, shakily going to the sink. My hands gripped the edges. I couldn't bring myself to look in the mirror. I kept staring at the bruises on my wrists. I felt anger and disgust staring at it and I wanted it gone. Without a thought I reached in my backpack, fishing for something. Finally my hands wrapped around my switch-blade that Two-Bit stole for me. I looked back-and-forth between the switch-blade and my wrists. I knew that this wasn't the way to answer this but whenever I stared at my wrists it filled me with sad rage.

I flicked the blade out and held it to my wrist. With a staggered breath I peeled my skin like you would an apple. It hurt but not as much as I was already—in fact, it replaced my old pain which I was grateful for. My blood pooled in the sink. I felt myself getting dizzier but I didn't stop until both of the handprints were gone. I wrapped my wrists up in layers of paper towels—which I would have to replace later.

I felt satisfied in the end, like I have done something right for once. I didn't feel his touch on me. It felt like he would never hurt me again and just like when I walked away from the conundrum in the janitor's closet, I felt scared.

 **o-o-o**

 **Replies:**

 **Pony'sgirlfriend: You made me blush ./. Ponyboy will only go downhill from here.**

 **One-Tuff-Cookie723: Thank you. ^^ What did you think of this chapter?**

 **FrankElza: I'm blushing so hard now. I don't this chapter had as much of inner feelings in it though. I don't know, what do you think?**

 **White collar black wolf: Thanks and thanks for your review.**


	5. Chapter 5

I weakly opened my eyes, not able to move. Bright light shone from the windows, blinding me. I had been like this for a while now—sleeping all the time. At first it felt like a relief, relief of escaping lies and reality and humanity. I didn't get nightmares as often anymore, and when I did, I couldn't escape until I endured it till the end. It's not like I minded anymore. When I was awake, I was asleep. When I was asleep, I was awake. When I was dreaming, I was living. When I was living, I was dreaming. No longer was I able to tell apart the truth to reality. It was all the same. To me, everything was on repeat and I could never stop it or anything.

Anyway, I trudged out of bed, heading to the bathroom. My dreary eyes was staring back at me before moving down to my chapped lips, shocked and disgusted at what was there. Around them was a rash that looked like acne from afar. But that wasn't all there was. On my lips there were blotches—looked like blown-out blisters. They were small but noticeable, being a brownish-white tint on pink lips.

In anguish, I peeled off the top layer of skin that was loose on my lips. The mark of the blister was still there though, the constant reminder of him on my lips. I poked at the rash, scratching and picking at it; making it worse than it was before. I hissed under my breath and grabbed a tissue when I drew blood, covering the spot.

There was a knock on the door. "Come on!" Two-Bit whined. "I have to go."

I turned to the door and looked back at the mirror. My eyes dropped to my sleeve that fell, revealing bandages that were in need of being changed. I started to feel insecure about them and with my other hand, pulled the sleeve up to hide them. My eyes flickered to my mouth and I covered the lower part of my face with the tissue. I awkwardly opened the door and walked out.

"What happened? Cut yourself shaving?" Two-Bit joked, his voice loud and booming and making my head hurt.

"Nosebleed," I lied, not in the mood. I just wanted to go back in my room.

"Hey… are you alright?" The mood changed and his smile turned into a frown.

"What…?"

"You look a little…"

I walked back in the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin was clammy, cheeks a little red and eyes dilated. Why didn't I notice this before, when I was looking at my reflection before? I tore my attention away and left once more.

"I'm just going back to bed," I said without even looking at Two-Bit again and walked away. I coughed and fell on the bed, already drained of energy.

My illness only got worse. I couldn't breathe from my nose and my throat was sore from coughing all the time and my heart was burning and my mind was fuzzy and the skin on my nose was peeling from the constant rubbing of the tissue. My lungs were on fire and I couldn't relive any of the pain. Medicine was useless.

Darry and Soda wanted to take me to the hospital when they first saw me cough up blood. Of course, I couldn't and told them that I would get over it; that I was already feeling better. I think they—as in, the gang—have noticed my eating disorder and I know they are talking behind my back.

Anyway, I was currently on the couch wrapped up in a worn-out blanket. The only one here was my brother, Soda. When he saw me huddled in my own bubble, he came over and sat a bit too close for comfort. I subconsciously leaned away from him.

Soda was silent as if playing around with how to form his words. He looked nervous as if what he was going to say would hurt me and shatter what was healing again. Finally, he formed up the words and courage. "Look, I know you don't want to talk… but I just wanted to remind you that I'm here for you and love you."

When I looked into his pleading and sad and worried eyes, my heart dropped and all I wanted to do was let everything out. I wanted to tell him everything and have him be there instead of being alone. I wanted a light in the darkness. But the light would only be there a second and then become the worst darkness in the darkness.

Instead of ignoring him or telling him 'no', I laughed with dead emotions like there was a joke that was just told. It hurt to laugh but I couldn't stop. "If you knew you would hate me," I muttered, voice scratchy. I wanted to just shut up but I was too desperate to get him away.

"I could never hate you."

"But you will. Don't make statements that you would never be able to keep."

"How could I hate you? You're my brother."

"How could you not hate me? How could you not hate someone so far off from the brother you knew? News flash, the innocent brother that you knew is gone and only a shell filled with dirt and shattered glass is left. Whatever you knew about your brother, whatever your thought is or your love, would be whisked away if you knew."

"How could you know for sure? You don't know how I would react."

"But I do. I can't let you know, I can't let anyone." The last part wasn't supposed to come out but my words were filled with desperate and pathetic anger.

"You can't know what's to come in the future, no one can. What is it?"

"If you had eyes or a brain you would already have figured it out." I wanted to stop and take back what I had said but it was too late now. "If you really want to know and really want to find a reason to hate me, disown me as your brother, then fine. I… I…" My fast words slowed down and my body started to shake uncontrollably, memories that were in the midst of being buried resurfaced. "I was…r—"

The door flung open and Steve strolled in, freezing once he sensed the conflict in the room.

I stood up, wiping away the tears that I didn't know was falling, and left to my room. I can't believe I almost told him.

From behind him I heard them talk.

"What was that about?" Steve asked his best friend.

Soda sounded annoyed, something I never hear often. "He almost told me what happened, then you came."

 **o-o-o**

 **Replies:**

 **Joey Danny Ketail: Awe, you're making me blush. I didn't know that my writing had a certain style to it yet. I feel relieved that I finally achieved that.**

 **Ichigo15kurosaki: Here's the next chapter, hope you liked it.**

 **One-Tuff-Cookie723: I love reading rape stories and I never understood why because it's such a touchy and horrible subject. I always want to read them and am sad when I can't find any stories or if there isn't much.**

 **FrankElza: I'm trying to build up to a very disturbing chapter which will be full of details like that.**

 **Pony'sgirlfriend: Don't worry that was the last bit with the nurse so he won't get taken away. I have much plans with Ponyboy and his brothers to do that.**

 **White collar black wolf: Thanks. Hope you liked this chapter too.**

 **Claw06: I absolutely love cliffhangers and try to end each chapter with them, much to the annoyance of many readers.**


	6. Chapter 6

I pursed my lips, closing my eyes as the warm tears continued to fall. I'm so useless—so stupid. As if I could tell Soda or anybody else. Now they definitely know something's up. I bet Soda already knew what was wrong. He probably hates me, disgusted with me.

I dug my nails into my palms, trying to replace the pain that clenched my chest. This was torture. All I wanted was for everything to stop and end. Most of my thoughts were of death; how I wanted to die. It's not like anyone would care about me after they find out how dirty I was. No one would notice. It always felt like the gang was going one way and I the other ever since what had happened. It was like they were running from me… or maybe I was running from them. It was like they were Earth and I was the moon, forever spinning around each other, never to clash and be forever isolated. We were so close yet so far from each other and I hated it.

I just wanted to die.

I opened my door again, wondering if Steve and Soda were still in the living room. Fortunately, I could hear muttering from the kitchen and easily slipped in without being stopped. I grabbed the razor from the counter, flicking it open. I rolled up my sleeve, ignoring the gauze on my wrist.

I knew that I shouldn't do this. I should just stop. But I was so close. I was so close to just getting rid of violation and so close to just end pain. The cutting edge of the razor gently touched my skin. My hands shook as I lightly dragged the razor down my arm. Just one vertical cut would end it. One vertical line away from death and being sent to a morgue. It sounded so nice, so absolutely wonderful and peaceful, but I was absolutely terrified.

From the back of my mind I could hear a question whisper, "What then?" What is to become of me after I die? Would I burn in hell (because surely it wouldn't be heaven) like what the church says? Would I be reincarnated into a slug or something? Would it just become eternal darkness? Will my ghost just wander around? Or will I be reborn in a new life and suffer the same or similar outcome as I have in this life?

But whatever, right? I can figure it out once I get there. Right now, the voice telling me to kill myself is a lot louder and stronger and more demanding than the reasoning voice.

I couldn't do it.

My vision was blurred by tears and my body was too shaky. I feared death even though I wanted to end my pain.

Instead, I pressed the blade into my skin and cut horizontally. The cuts weren't deep because I didn't want to make the mistake of going to a point where there was no return. But it wasn't enough. I pressed the bleeding cut down with my thumb, groaning at the ripping sting. Not enough. I took the blade again and cut my other wrist, just above the gauge. My teeth bit hard on my lips. The quiet whisper in my mind was screaming at me, "Stop it! Just stop!" But the other voice, the one edging me to kill myself, grew louder too. It screamed over the pleading one, "Stop being useless and a nuisance for once and continue!"

"Shut up… just shut up…" I whimpered, sinking to the ground, trying to block the voices out by covering my ears. Cold drops of blood slid down my neck and I sobbed, repeating the words over and over. I couldn't focus on anything, it was so loud. My mind felt like it was ripping into two.

Then, one voice broke through. I was grabbed and the razor was stolen from my clenched, white and red hands. Someone held me to their chest and tried to grab at my wrists.

"No!" I screamed and pushed away, cowering in the space between the toilet and the sink. "Stop it… stop it… just stop…" I didn't know who I was muttering to—my thoughts or whoever was in the bathroom with me.

"Ponyboy, calm down,"soothed the voice. Whoever was in here got closer and I shut my eyes tightly, trying to back away but couldn't.

"Don't…Don't come any closer!"

"Please, Ponyboy…"

A hand gently caressed my face and I flinched away, whimpering.

"Open your eyes."

I shook my head.

"Kid, open those goddamned eyes."

It was then when I noticed that there were two people in the bathroom with me. I opened my eyes and a frame of Soda and Steve came into view. Soda once again moved to press a towel to my wrists. I wanted to move away but I didn't and let the blood soak up the towel. There were tears in Soda's eyes.

"Why?" he asked. I rapidly shook my head, not wanting to answer. Steve got out the first aid kit and handed it to Soda. The room was silent mostly.

Soda looked at the gauze around my wrists. "What's this?"

Again I shook my head. He slowly unwrapped it and gasped. Steve looked shocked and uncomfortable behind him. Soda undid the other one and bit his lip. I looked away ashamed.

"Oh Ponyboy..." Soda cried. He cleaned up the open wounds and wrapped them up. Soda didn't know what to say. It was Steve who broke the silence and moved us all to the living room. Soda was pacing the room, looking terrible. It was all my fault too.

"I have to tell Darry…" Soda finally stated.

My eyes widened. "Don't tell him. Please! Don't tell anyone!"

"Pony, you tried to… you tried to kill yourself. You can't expect me to keep that to myself."

"I just wanted it all to end! I don't want to feel pain anymore…"

"What happened? Please, let me help—let everyone help."

Before I could respond, Soda was already picking up the phone and calling Darry.

"I'm going to get everyone," Steve said. Soda nodded and he left. I curled up in a ball on the couch, digging my head into my knees.

The door opened minutes later and Darry walked in. His stern eyes locked onto me and I turned to stare at a stain on the carpet like it was the most interesting thing in the world. Soda and Darry muttered about something, something I couldn't hear. The door started opening again and again and more filed inside. Johnny instantly went to my side but the others stayed back to talk about me.

"Are you okay?" Johnny asked. His tone and eyes were full of worry.

"More or less," I replied quietly.

"I think the kid's just going through a depression stage. It's common," Dally said a bit too loudly.

"I don't think it's just that though. I mean, he almost told me what had happened to him before we were interrupted," Soda countered.

"What? He told you?" Darry asked.

"Almost."

"If it's something we have to find what it is. He tried to kill himself over it."

"I didn't try to kill myself." That was my first idea though. "And why are even talking about me? I'm right here."

"We are just trying to help you."

"Help me? I don't want your help. I don't want any of you involved."

"Involved in what?"

"Just give it a break!" I stood up from the couch, feeling overwhelmed and attacked. What I did next wasn't tuff at all: I ran.

I could hear them calling after me but I didn't look back. I ran, trying to escape my problems. For a moment, I thought I could, until I ran right into someone that made my heart drop and memories resurface.

 **o-o-o**

 **Replies:**

 **Pony'sgirlfriend- We'll have to see if you're guess is right later. The answer will come really soon.**

 **One-Tuff-Cookie723- I love that reaction.**

 **FrankElza- That reaction with the gang will come really soon. Like next chapter or so.**

 **Joey Danny Ketail- Yes, that reaction. xD Best ever.**

 **Ichigo15kurosaki- So close. Less than one word away from it being revealed.**

 **White collar black wolf- You'll find out how they react soon.**


	7. Chapter 7

_I was lying on the floor, staring fearfully up at the two looming bodies. The one closest to me, pinning me down, had lustful eyes. The other one was nervous, as if unsure to join or run. Those nervous eyes watched as my body was violated, unable to turn away._

Those nervous eyes were identical to the ones staring at him now.

"You're…" I gasped, eyes wide. My body shook vigorously. Was _he_ here too? I spun around, still keeping an eye on the Soc. I didn't find anyone, but the gang jogged up behind me, instantly tensing up when they laid eyes on the Soc.

"What do you want? You're in our territory," Steve growled, hands slowly curling into fists.

The Soc stepped back raising his hands. "I came to apologize!"

"Apologize to whom?" Darry asked, eyes narrating. The Soc pointed to me, nervous eyes turning sad. The gang all looked at me. I shrank back, whipping away the tears that I didn't know were falling. I could feel the murderous auras radiating from the gang.

The Soc's eyes never left me. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know he would do that. I-I didn't know what to do, I was scared. I'm so sorry." The Soc looked horrible and miserable like he has been up every night since what had happened.

"Wait! What happened?"

"He… He hasn't told any of you?" The Soc's eyes left me for a second to scan the eyes of the gang. His eyes flickered back to mine and I shook my head.

"No…" I whispered, pleaded, for him to not tell, but my pleads seemed to be unheard; unreached.

"I'm sorry but they have to know. It… It will get worse if they don't…"

"Please…"

"You know, I watched him and I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't move until I was told by my friend to do so. I wanted to stop it but I couldn't. Oh god, I'm so sorry. Your screams and cries… I still hear them, haunting me. I just want forgiveness for watching you get—"

"If you tell, I won't ever forgive you," I finally said.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, looking helpless. "You need to tell them, Grease. They can help. He might come back for you." My breath caught in my throat, fingers digging into my wrists until I could feel a sharp pain. I shrank farther back, away from everybody.

A hand touched my shoulder and I stumbled away from it. "Don't touch me!" I screamed. "I don't want anyone to touch me."

"Ponyboy, what happened?" Soda pressed, putting his hand back down.

My body was shuttering somewhat bad. I couldn't breathe, my head and chest went numb but it felt like my body was being stabbed a thousand times. I had to do this. I don't want to be touched again. I tried to utter my words but all that came out was choked gasps.

"It's okay, Ponyboy…" Johnny whispered to me.

I shut my eyes tightly as I tried to calm down but the world was becoming a dizzy blur. My knees buckled from under me and I soon found myself meeting the ground. My name was called over and over but all I could concentrate fully on was the white noise. The white noise kept getting louder and louder. It hurt so much. I think I screamed at one point. Then as fast as it came, it ended. It was like I haven't been through what I had. I was still standing, though my legs felt like jelly. It felt as though I had woken up from a nightmare—a nightmare that led to another nightmare.

"It's okay. It's okay," Soda soothed

"I don't want him to come back…" I whimpered.

"He won't come back if you tell us what happened."

"I was raped. I-I was raped. Please don't let him touch me again." It was silent and I thought they hated me, were disgusted with me. "Please don't hate me."

Soda went to hug me but stopped. Oh god, he was disgusted with me. I didn't dare look into anyone's eyes. I started to back away, farther away from them. They were all at loss of words. Of course they would hate me. I should have taken my chances. They think I'm too dirty to be with them. They want me gone. I kept backing up until someone screamed," Watch out!" There was a loud, long honk before my body felt like it was being crushed, like every bit of my body was being torn to pieces. Everything went black.

The first thing I heard were steady beeps when I came too. My eyes opened weakly, unable to open completely. My vision was a white blur and everything hurt like my body was on fire. I could barely move. My throat and lips were dryer than the Sahara Desert.

When my vision cleared, they fell upon a body at my side. Johnny was lying his head near my legs with a thick cast wrapped around it. I scanned my body. Most of it was bandaged up and I didn't know why. Why was I like this? The heart monitor started to I was just… telling the gang what had happened to me… then I was here. I told them. They probably was so disgusted with me that they hit me enough to forget a part of my memory. Then why was Johnny here?

Right when I thought that, Johnny stirred, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. His attention instantly went to me. "You're finally awake." Johnny said, surprised and excited. It was beyond me why he was excited. I couldn't answer. Johnny slowly reached up towards my face and I flinched back, wincing at the pain. "Sorry," Johnny flinched, he took off the air mask then grabbed the glass of water on the nightstand, holding it up to me. I tried to raise my arms but they were weighed down by the casts. Johnny, looking sad now, brought the tips to my lips. The water trickled down my dry throat, it sort of stung but was a relief. The glass was empty before I knew it.

"What are you doing here?" I croaked.

He looked confused. "Why wouldn't I be here?"

"Aren't you disgusted by me?"

"No, I'm not and the gang feels the same. We don't hate you or feel revolted by you."

A huge wave of relief washed over me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was speechless. After an awkward silence I spoke again. "What happened to me?"

Again, emotion changed in his eyes. Fear was evident in his eyes. "You stepped onto the road and a car came. It hit you. You're body rolled over and flung off. There was so much blood."

"How long have I been out?"

"A month."

"A month? Where's everyone else?"

"We're taking turns waiting for you to wake up and I'm glad you did. I need to tell them." Johnny stood up from the chair and opened up the door, heading out. He was only gone for a minute before heading back in with a doctor.

The doctor smiled when he saw me and muttered, "Fantastic." The doctor inspected me, looking me up and down. He went through the drawers before taking out a thermometer. He plopped it in my mouth, putting a hand on my forehead. After a minute, he checked my temperature. "Your body's exhausted, hardly keeping awake as of right now. Your temperature has gone up significantly. You need sleep."

"Don't want any more sleep." Even then I could feel my eyelids drooping like I haven't slept in ages.

"If you want to get out of here, you need sleep. Your family will be here when you wake up."

I don't remember falling asleep. I just remember waking up to a nightmare.

 **o-o-o**

 **Replies:**

 **One-Tuff-Cookie723: You won't have to wait much more for this story. There won't be many more chapters as it is sadly ending soon. I'll try to leave it all off in a big bang though.**

 **Pony'sgirlfriend: I'm blushing. I feel so honored.**

 **FrankElza: A more depth explanation for how they would support and encourage him will probably be in the next chapter.**

 **White collar black wolf: Here's your answer. :D**

 **Ichigo15kurosaki: You're crying now? Wait until the future chapters. *runs hands through hair***


	8. Chapter 8

I was drifting in and out—each time, someone new was by my bed, whether it be a doctor or a nurse or someone from the gang. I only caught snippets of conversations in-between my drifts, nothing enough to understand. I got better but worse. My body didn't hurt as much as it did a week ago or a day ago or even a minute ago, but I was still exhausted, no matter how much I slept. It seemed like forever until I was told I was going to be discharged. Then something else happened. Darry wanted to discuss matters with me as well as the doctor. I knew what it was about so I droned them out as they talked. I fiddled with my fingers that have been long freed from its restraints. I glanced absently at the doctor's solemn face until my name popped out of his mouth. "I am so sorry that happened to you, Ponyboy. Can I ask a few questions?"

"Hm? Oh, um… sure," I answered slowly.

"How are you?"

It seems like everyone's asking the same question like it was the only words in the English language. I've heard it all a thousand times, maybe even more. It was quite sickening. "Fine." Of course, that was a lie.

"Can you tell me how long since your…erm, incident?"

"A couple months or so."

"I see."

Darry frowned, looking a bit older than he was. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot help you track down whoever did this. Ponyboy has most likely taken many showers since the incident—almost all rape victims do because they want to cleanse themselves. The DNA of the perpetrator is gone."

"There has to be some other way."

"I'm afraid that the only way is for Ponyboy to show you or the perpetrator reveals themselves and I'm sure Ponyboy wouldn't reveal who it was. But, we do have to do tests. We need to check if any STDs were transferred."

If it was possible, more dread spread over Darry's face. He nodded solemnly to tell the doctor to proceed. The doctor went on with the tests by swabbing inside my mouth and taking my blood and a few more tests and questions. When my results came in, long after, I knew what my results were by just looking at the doctor's face. The number of my CD4 cells were below 200 cells per cubic meter of blood. I really thought the doctor was going to slowly slide the idea of having AIDs instead of flat out saying, "You have AIDs." But, apparently not.

Darry and Soda were there to gather the news. They were speechless. "There has to be some sort of medication or something," Soda said, pleaded.

"Sorry, but there is no known cure or medication to help. I wish that I could do more than just tell you that Ponyboy has to make sure that he doesn't get sick."

"What happens if he gets sick?"

"The worst case, he dies. His immune systems are weak—an illness could easily kill him. As times goes on, his immune system will completely break down and when that happens—if he doesn't die from some virus beforehand—he will die."

 **o-o-o**

I had to go back to school when I was all recovered. I didn't see the point if I was going to die anyways but Darry said that we needed to find whoever had done this to me. Again, I didn't see the point—what's done is done. But he, as well as the gang, were persistent on finding out. To make sure of my safety, Johnny, Steve, as well as Two-Bit stuck to my side like glued together pieces of wood. I didn't quite like it but I didn't have a voice in this decision. In a way, I'm relieved.

Everything was quite normal, like I haven't left. I held my breath for the most part, mentally crossing my fingers. I hoped that I wouldn't bump into _him._

It was starting to get annoying after a while though. The first few days were fine, but it became annoying when they were there from the beginning to the end of school and waiting right outside each of my classroom doors after each class—at least Two-Bit and Johnny mostly did. Steve had to transition because of work. I think he was pleased by not being here for the most part.

"You know that you don't have to follow me around all the time," I finally said, lightly banging my head against the locker.

"No, no, no, Darry said that I had to keep a close eye on you," Two-Bit nearly teased.

"Yeah, _close_ , not _this_ close." I turned around, storming off with them right on my heel.

"Where are you going?"

"The bathroom or am I not supposed to do that? I rather not have you two looming over my shoulder as I go." I stopped in front of the bathroom door, looked at them before heading inside. They stayed outside, much to my relief.

The bathroom was mostly empty, only a couple of people were standing in front of the urinals. I bit my lip, looking at an empty urinal then looking at my body, shifting uncomfortably. With a sigh, I entered a stall, leaving when I finished my business but everything was silent now. The occasional murmur was gone because the bathroom was empty. I would have found it normal if it wasn't passing period and there were always students and teachers using the bathrooms during this time but everything was completely silent and empty.

There was a click. I turned to the now-locked door. There was a rattle and a slam. I spun around again to find that the stall doors were moved. A chill was running down my spine and I started to walk towards the door in a hurry with one thought on my mind, 'Run'. My hand raised towards the lock but another hand grabbed onto my wrist and another clamped onto my mouth and a warm breath brushed against my neck and ear before someone that I recognized all too well whispered, "It's been awhile, Grease."

I tried to yell but my screams were muffled. I struggled against his hold but the grip only became stronger. I was dragged away from his hold and to the back wall where I was thrown to the floor and mounted.

"Where have you been?"

My body was shaking awful bad and I was crying and my heart was beating so fast that it hurt and I wished at that moment that I would have went through with killing myself when I had the chance. I shut my eyes, pleaded that someone would save me. I pictured Johnny and Two-Bit outside the bathroom door, just wondering when I would come out of the restroom and what was taking me so long. The Soc didn't like my eyes closed though and a fist collided with my face.

"Look at me, slut, or I'll just have to teach you another lesson."

I complied with his wishes but wished that I could keep my eyes closed so that I could be lost in the darkness that it gave me. One of his hands snaked around to my shoulder where he had carved once before, pressing his nails down in one of the crevices. I whimpered as pain shot through my shoulder.

"Look at my face."

I moved my eyes from his chest to his face and cringed. The top half of his face was almost all pink, some parts red. His once almost good-looking face was tainted by the scar. Around the outlines of his eyes was yellow, turning to red as it branched across the eye.

"This is what you fucking did to me, you little shit. Now I'm going to make you pay."

He reached to his pocket and took out a switch-blade, flicking it out. I struggled again, screaming in his hand. I bit down hard, tasting blood. He cursed at me, removing his hand forcefully.

"Johnny, Two-Bit!" I screamed. A few seconds later, there was banging on the door and yells.

"Fucking shit, damn it!" the Soc cursed, glaring at me. I kept screaming as the tip of the blade pressed against my neck, just enough to draw some blood.

"Get away!" I yelled. There was an even louder pounding, distracting the Soc enough for me to push him off and escape his hold. I scrambled away but couldn't get far thanks to the wall. The Soc recovered quickly and slashed his knife at my side. I clutched at the cut, whimpering and yelling. "Stop it! Leave me alone! Just leave me alone!" I curled up in a ball on the floor, knowing that I couldn't escape, muttering the words over and over.

The door slammed open and the room was flooded with students. The Soc was grabbed and flattened on the floor. Everything was a blur as people pushed past each other to get a better look. I kept repeating the same words, not sure if it was intended to the watchers now or the Soc anymore. I shook in place, tightening my ball and hiding my face with embarrassment. A hand touched my back, petting it soothingly. I tensed my body up even more but didn't resist.

"It's okay now, Ponyboy. Everything's going to be okay," Johnny whispered. The three words soon died down and I was left as a mess on the floor. I was left like that until I ran out of tears and had mostly calmed down. When I uncurled myself, I was alone with Two-Bit and Johnny. "You okay?"

"I don't know…" I answered, slowly getting up with the help of Two-Bit. The two of them walked out of the bathroom but I stayed for a moment to lift up my cut up clothes at the gash on my side, biting my lip once more before heading out.

 **o-o-o**

 **I have an idea for my next fanfiction after I finish this story at the end of the week. If any of you have played Until Dawn, it will be based from that so it would be reader interactive and the popular vote would be the action at each choice that will influence the story. Instead of me picking who will live and who will die and how it all ends, it will be you guys. Does that sound like something y'all are up to?"**

 **Replies:**

 **Ichigo15kurosaki: I think you see how this is going to end now.**

 **One-Tuff-Cookie723: Yay :) I'm glad.**

 **FrankElza: I didn't go too into how they reacted after, sorry.**

 **White collar black wolf: Hoped you liked this chapter and up to reading the final chapter.**


	9. Chapter 9

I leaned back against the couch, resting my head. My head was pounding, the blasting TV playing Mickey Mouse wasn't helping at all. I couldn't take the noise anymore, so I shot up from the couch to go to my room. My vision swayed, going from blurry to clear every second. I found myself in a completely different spot each time I blinked. My hand touched the wall to balance myself as I stumbled to my door. I wished I went into the bathroom instead because I could feel my breakfast coming up. Instead of heading back, I grabbed my wastebasket from under my desk and threw up the content. Vomiting only made me feel worse though. I leaned back against my desk, breathing heavily and whipping away the excess on my face with my sleeve.

My side still hurt like a bitch from the bathroom incident and it was really having a toll on me. I lifted up my shirt, cringing at the puffed up, red and pink and white and yellow cut. Just looking at the infected cut made me want to throw up once again. I was regretting not telling the gang about this wound. I wasn't getting any better and it probably could have been gone by now and not remind me of _him_ anymore. I guess that I didn't want to put more onto the shoulders of the gang. I mean, they had to deal with poverty as well as my rape case.

The guy who raped me was going to court soon. It was going to be unfair, how he had enough money for a lawyer and the judge probably discriminated greasers while I didn't have any advantages at all.

 **o-o-o**

The courtroom was crowded, full of people that I didn't recognize. I sat at a table next to my brothers in front of the crowd, the gang was sitting right behind me in the stands. I fidgeted in my seat nervously, burning a hole in a certain spot, trying to avoid eye contact with _him_. He was staring me down from across the room with so much rage that the temperature in the room plummeted below freezing. The room shook with silent chatter and the atmosphere was ocean-thick.

The judge looked back and forth between us, looking like he didn't want to be here right now, and going through the whole procedure of being a judge. We told our stories about what had happened and the Soc made up a ridiculous story that was far from the truth. The judge nodded like he was actually believing his story though. The Soc tried to explain how it was I who started this whole mess by attacking him and throwing bleach in his eyes.

"Please explain your side of the story," the Judge said, turning to me. So I did. I explained to him how the Soc had jumped and raped me—though it was difficult—and how he had tormented me and tried to rape me again and how the bleach was of self-defense and finally what had happened in the bathroom. The judge listened closely. I think he wanted to believe my story from the look on his face but didn't want to accept the fact that a Soc would do this.

Hours later and everything was coming together. I started to shake, my world spinning. I thought about how if the Soc got about, he might do the same to another unlucky person or come back to me and finish me off once and for all. The thought terrified me.

Currently, the judge was leafing through my hospital papers. "It says here that you were tested with AIDs, Mr. Curtis, which can be spread through unprotected intercourse with someone who has an STD. If you were raped and have AIDs then that would mean the one who raped you would have an STD. So, here's what we'll do: do you have Mr. Smith's medical report for when he was tested prior." The Soc's medical papers were passed up. His face, as well as the lawyer's, was tense with a hint of fear. "So you _were_ tested positive."

"But that doesn't mean he did it," the lawyer said, lips pressed in a thin line. There were groans and mutters of annoyance from the audience. My brothers were about to burst out too.

"Quiet!" the judge ordered. "Yes, you are right. That is why we are moving to the witnesses."

The first witness that came up was that one Soc who had apologized to me. "I don't know… I wasn't involved," he lied, rocking back and forth nervously.

"Both of them have put you down for a witness. This is a serious crime and if you are involved and lying, then you can get in more trouble than you already are."

He looked at both of us in return. I stared at him with hope in my eyes that he would tell the truth and defend me and not defend his friend. The truth rolled out of his mouth, most of it was insufficient but it revealed everything all-in-all. After the Soc talked, a few more witnesses that I didn't know spoke, each defending me. I relaxed more, but everything was becoming disoriented. I put my hand on my forehead, closing my eyes.

"Hold on, Mr. Curtis, are you alright?"

I snapped my eyes towards the judge. "I'm fine. I just got a little dizzy." A 'little' was an understatement. It felt like I was going to black out any second now.

Finally, everything finished and the Soc was sent to imprisonment for a few years or something. A piercing white noise muffled what the judge said. All I knew was that he was going to be kept away for a while and that was all I needed to hear.

I stood up from the table and wished that I hadn't. The world around me was spinning a hundred miles per hour. I grabbed onto Soda's arm for support and an arm wrapped around me. I felt my body being moved but that could have been from the nausea.

"Pony, you alright?"

When my vision focused, I was staring in Soda's worried eyes. I was sitting on the trunk of Darry's beat-up, old truck.

"I'm fine…" I muttered, still blinking heavily to get rid of the eye floaters.

Darry sighed, "No you're not, stop trying to push us away."

"I'm fine, Darry."

"Pony—"

"Not now, not here."

He sighed. "Fine, but you are telling us when we get back home."

I nodded in agreement, pursing my lips and mentally cursing myself for keeping this wound in my side hidden from them. The car ride home was long and torturous as I thought of how they would react. When the moment finally came, I didn't know how to start. So I showed them.

I lifted up my shirt to expose the wound and Darry threw his hands up in frustration. "You kept _that_ from us?"

"I'm sorry…" I muttered, averting my eye, flinching at his tone.

"What were you thinking?"

"All of you were so busy dealing with my crap and I didn't want to add any more on your plate."

"Pony, you know that you could always come to us," Soda said, voice wavering.

I was about to answer but Darry spoke again. "Didn't you try to clean it, at least?"

"Well, yeah but it was hard to keep up with cleaning it and we didn't have a bandage long enough to cover it."

"Ponyboy, you can get sick. Your immune systems…" Johnny whispered.

"I'm fine. I can get over this."

"I hope you're right. We have to clean that cut, remove your shirt," Darry said, flicking a finger up to indicate the stripping of the shirt.

I didn't want to expose my torso to anyone but I did anyways, squirming at their looks. Johnny's finger ghosted over near my shoulder blade. I froze in my spot, slapping away his hand and hiding the scar in the couch cushions. Johnny moved away, face dropping. I had forgotten about that scar. The remembrance only made me feel dirtier.

Darry cleaned up my wound to the best of his abilities but it still looked the same as it did before. For a while I thought that everything was going to be better. The Soc was locked away and the gang didn't hate me and my wound was as clean as it could be at the moment.

Then, this happened: I woke up in the middle of the night, not able to breathe. I gasped for breath multiple times but my chest was only getting tighter. I gripped my shirt, curling into a ball, tears streaming down my face. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't open up my eyes. My gasps turned into violent, dried, bloody, uncontrollable coughs. My body felt like it was being crushed by the weight of the sky.

"Ponyboy, it's okay. You'll be okay," I could hear Soda repeat over and over like an old, broken record. He held my rolled up form in his arms, head resting against his chest.

"It hurts," I pathetically moaned, barely getting any words out. There were inaudible yells and my body was lifted and moved. The pain kept being layered on and I wanted to pass out to escape but couldn't. It was a long nightmare that I couldn't wake up from.

"We need help!" Darry screamed, piercing through the loud noise of my coughs and gasps. There was a sound of something rolling and I was removed from Soda's arms. I tightened my ball on whatever I was lying on.

I could hear Soda still repeating similar words. "You're going to be okay."

Everything went black.

It wasn't that long after when I woke up again, I was lying in a hospital bed, pain still crushing me. Tubes were stuck up my nose and I was connected with a handful of machines. An atmosphere of melancholy suffocated the room followed by the metronome of beeps. The noise began getting faster and faster as the pain started to add on again. Then, everything stopped. The pain subsided.

The beeps slowed down and the pressure on my hand slackened but it was still tight. My body wouldn't cooperate with moving so I strained my eyes. Soda was gripping my hand, head digging into his arm like he was praying. His shirt was stained with fresh blood. Darry was behind him, resting his eyes in another chair. His face aged even more than the last time I've seen.

"Hey," I croaked, wishing for some water. Their head's snapped up. They looked relieved but no one said anything. No one had to.

"Are you okay?" Soda asked, breaking the silence. I just lifted up the corner of my lips for an answer. "Your condition neutralized for now. Does it hurt?"

I lightly shook my head. "It doesn't hurt."

"You're going to be okay, Ponyboy. You'll be okay." Soda put his forehead on my limp hand, sobbing. Darry moved to sit on my bed, stiffly petting my hair with a stolid face. Again my heart started to quicken and the pain returned but it wasn't bad at all. My vision started to sharpen and I let out a shuttered breathe. I wasn't okay, I could tell.

"This is perfect," I whispered. "The last thing I'll see is you guys."

"No! Don't say that like you're dying. You're going to come out all right."

"Tell the guys—"

"Tell them yourself when we leave here."

"Please, Soda, please tell them—"

"Ponyboy, you're not dying! Please… I can't lose anyone else. I can't lose you."

"I love you guys, as sappy as that sounds." My breathing quickened and once again I found myself having trouble with breathing but I let out a pained laugh.

"It's not sappy…"

"It's almost funny, how death just comes randomly."

"You'll be alright. You're supposed to have a couple more years—the doctor said."

"What a slut time is. She screws everybody." I knew Darry didn't like me using those words but I thought he would make this exception just once.

"Don't say those words," Darry ordered sadly, stopping the petting. I almost laughed again but I coughed, some blood coming out.

"But tell them—" I changed back to my earlier topic.

"Stop it, Pony! You'll be fine!" I saw tears dripping from his eyes—the first time I've seen him cry.

"Right, I'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be fine." I kept repeating the words but I knew that I wouldn't make it. I looked up at the popcorn ceiling in the highest definition possible. "I'll be…" I don't know if I finished the statement but I found the ceiling coming closer like I was lifted and everything that was laid on top of me was left behind. I blinked and I was staring at myself lying in the hospital bed, eyes dull. Loud cries and screams escaped mouths, almost drowning out the endless beep.

It's unnerving, seeing your own lifeless body with colorless skin and white and chapped lips and others grieving around it while you were right behind them. Soda clung onto my body as the doors flung open and nurses and doctors rushed in, the gang also entering the room. Once they saw my body they all looked crestfallen, even the tougher parts of the gang, Steve and Dally. Johnny's eyes widened, not able to look away, and Two-Bit grabbed him, holding him close as he looked the other direction. Steve looked at his best bud, my brother, with sad eyes but he stayed in the back of the room. Dally looked away.

There was a light behind me. Instead of turning around, I said, "Hold on. Give me another minute."

Darry backed away from my body and grabbed Soda, prying him off. Soda struggled, holding onto my body like it was the rope that was keeping him alive. "Get away! I can't leave him now. He's going to be okay," Soda cried, stumbling back to my body once he broke free from Darry's grasp. Steve stepped forward and helped Darry pull Soda away as the medics held my body down as they got the defibrillator ready. The doctor pressed the pads to my chest and my body responded to the shock, chest rising like I was possessed. I could feel myself being drawn to my body again like I could live once again but I turned away, knowing that this is best. I stared straight into the blinding, welcoming light that radiated warmth. I drowned out the cries as I stepped inside, everything fading away.

"I'm ready now," I whispered. "Goodbye."

"Time of Death… 5:23 A.M," the doctor said.

 **o-o-o**

 **Alright, done. What do you think of the ending? I put two heartbreaking references in this chapter. I sort of feel pain in me. I always avoided killing off Ponyboy because I absolutely adored him like a little brother. I'm glad I did that though. I'm a person who likes to see the world burn I guess.**

 **Also, tell me what you think of my idea for my next story that was explained in the previous chapter.**

 **Replies:**

 **FrankElza: But something drastic did happen because of that moment.**

 **BunnyluvsU: Now you know if it killed him.**

 **One-Tuff-Cookie723: Sadly, they couldn't get to him because the cops wouldn't let another hand on the Soc.**

 **Ichigo15kurosaki: Oh no, don't cry! O.O**

 **White collar black wolf: What was your reaction to what happened to Ponyboy?**


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